Go down to your own altar
Example 1 Person Archives: Xia Renhou (pseudonym), male, 70 years old, retired chief physician Xia Lao is an orthopaedic expert who was rehired by the hospital after retirement.
Xia Lao’s work is much easier than before. He didn’t work as a director. Secondly, he didn’t have to work every day. He only went to work three days a week. On Monday, he and other experts jointly raided the house. On Tuesday, he went out to the specialist clinic on Friday.
This kind of workload is very suitable for the age of Xia Lao, and can enjoy leisure and leisure after retirement.
It is said that such a life is happy and fulfilling. However, Xia Lao’s work after returning to employment is not satisfactory, because there are many things that block the heart.
What makes him most unhappy is that he always feels that the doctors in Cory are not respectful to him as he used to.
Once, when Xia Lao gave some doctors a brief case about his successful treatment in the past, a young doctor suddenly boldly proposed a new treatment plan.
Xia Lao’s face immediately changed. He thought: “I’m only looking at a few patients after I’ve seen a few babies, I’m afraid to subvert my treatment plan. I don’t know how to be tall!
“Xia Laoyue wants to be more intolerant of a junior who is so disrespectful to himself, so the anger directly commits suicide to the young doctor: “Don’t be in front of me!”
The doctor has accumulated one day of experience, I have been doing orthopedics for forty years, and my accumulated clinical experience is enough for you to study for half a lifetime!
“When you turn around and go.”
Since then, Xia Lao has found that the number of people who come to ask him is obviously less. It seems that everyone is consciously avoiding him, which makes his heart very uncomfortable.
There is also a thing that makes Xia Laos worry.
Shortly after the new orthopaedic director took office, young people in the organization set up an innovation team to discuss and research innovations in medical technology.
Before the establishment of this innovation group, the director of orthopedics sought the advice of Xia Lao and asked him to be a consultant.
Xia Lao is very suspicious of the abilities of these young people, and the resulting things are very disdainful, and they refused: “I will not be this consultant.
What is the experience of young people?
It is better to study in a down-to-earth manner, and the books work in different ways.
Xia Laoyuan thought that this incident would be lost because of his opposition. I did not expect this innovation group to be established a few days later.
Although the director of the orthopedics explained to Xia Lao afterwards: “Young people are very enthusiastic about this matter, and I believe that they will be able to mobilize their enthusiasm for scientific research.
“But Xia Lao was even more angry after listening to it, and felt that it was too clear that he was not taking himself seriously.”
Expert comment: the root of authority psychological power – power erosion + traditional ritual + traditional system American veteran reporter Anna?
Strong’s husband died in the persecution of the Stalinist regime.
When the highest power is harmful to people, Strong said this: “Power is going to corrode people.
“Whether this is said to be biased from the woman reporter who suffered from it, no one can deny that power, as a symbol of supremacy, has a subtle influence on people.”
In addition, the prevalence of Confucian ethics has contributed to the authoritative thinking.
For example, Confucius talked about the monarch and minister, the father and the son when he was treating the country. At the same time, he proposed the theory of teaching and classlessness, encouraging equal competition, paying attention to who has the ability, who has rich knowledge and noble morality.Who to use.
However, although Confucius said that the father and son of the monarch in the society at that time was to clarify the responsibility and division of labor, and to highlight the rights and obligations of the people, the power of the feudal dynasty only focused on the rank of ethics for the sake of their own rule.However, he abandoned the idea of equality in teaching and classlessness.
The seniority of the traditional system has also intensified the majesty of power. Various political movements have also cultivated the people’s herd mentality and people’s blindness to authority.
All of this objectively contributes to the embarrassment of authoritative thoughts. For those who value power, power naturally causes their corrosive agents, and they themselves are enough victims and victims of authoritative thought.
Just like the Xia Lao in the first instance, it is a good thing to retire after retirement. However, since it still does not come out of the inertia of energy, it is not right for itself. Therefore, the happy life becomes unhappy.
Example 2 Person file: Liu Hua (a pseudonym), male, 68 years old, Liu Hua, a retired state-owned enterprise cadre, has been retiring for several years, but his sense of loss is still very strong.
Before he retired, he was a senior leader of a large state-owned enterprise. He could say that he had the right to be a party and was used to the days of the wind and rain.
However, after retreating, the front door was deserted, and the phone did not ring. The people who contacted every day were not only their husbands but also their husbands. Liu Hua felt that his heart was empty, his mood was very depressed, his temper was getting worse and worse, and he usually encounteredIf something doesn’t go well, it will ignite against his wife, put his face on his face, and he will be obedient to his wife. Anyway, he has to obey him.
When Liu Huagang retired, he gave his wife a “decree” and asked her to immediately withdraw from the old disco team.
The reason is very simple. “So a lot of age is still squatting and jumping, it’s not like it!
“In fact, my wife has been participating in this old disco dance team for two years. I don’t want to say that she has a lot of feelings with the old brothers and buddies in the team. More importantly, since she danced, she felt her mood and body.It’s better than before.
In the past, Liu Hua was busy with work, and never expressed opinions on such things, but he retired but did little things.The wife had no choice but to compromise with him.
Then, Liu Hua went to the next line to say “the sacred purpose” and asked his wife to study calligraphy with him. Although his wife did not know anything about calligraphy, she still obeyed Liu Hua’s arrangement.
For a long time, Liu Hua has always said a lot in the unit, and at home is also quite majestic, so his wife has long been accustomed to what is obeying him.
Moreover, unless there is a major event, Liu Hua rarely talks with his wife and talks about his chores. He always feels that he has lost his dignity in doing these sesame things, unless he is retired.No exception.
This morning, Liu Hua’s wife was ready to go out to buy food. When she passed the living room, she saw Liu Hua sitting on the sofa smoking, thinking that he was always so boring at home, not good for his health, how to go to activitiesLet’s just let him go shopping with himself.
But she hasn’t finished her thoughts yet, Liu Hua has already fought off, and jumped up from the sofa, and said with a strong voice: “What do you say?
Let me go shopping with you?
You actually let me do the things of these mother-in-law, how is this possible!
“My wife felt a little wronged and couldn’t help but whispered back to the sentence: “I am also good for you!”
Besides, I am not the nanny who is invited. These mother-in-law and mother-in-law should do it, can’t you do something?
Liu Hua was the first time to see his wife talk to him. He hated others for attacking himself. Usually he was a murderer, and others never gave up.
So at this time, Liu Hua’s fire was on the scale. He kicked the coffee table and shouted at his wife: “When is it your turn to give me orders?
“Looking at Liu Hua’s anger, his husband never dared to say anything to stimulate him. He quickly compensated him not to do so. This made Liu Hua’s anger slowly subsided.
Expert comment: the root of authoritative thinking – power erosion + male right education has a kind of person, for them, authoritative psychology is the appearance, discrimination against women is fundamental.
Moreover, their discrimination against women does not occur after taking power. Unless there is no power, he still has potential contempt and hostility towards women.
This aspect comes from the erosion of power by him. Whether he is still not in the position, he is still full of bureaucracy. I think that I am stronger than you, you have to listen to me; instead, it comes from the male rights in traditional culture.Education, for example, husband is a wife, husband and wife sing.
The characteristic of this kind of man is that they look masculine and full of enthusiasm. In fact, they are very fragile and need emotional love.
But because they surrounded the misunderstanding of hostile women from the beginning, their normal needs close to women are often accompanied by fear.
There is always a potential fear in his heart that if I love a woman, she may hurt me; once I give her the power of love, she will become the one who is pressing on my head.
In order to alleviate the fear in the heart, these men usually relieve the power of women in their consciousness.
He secretly believes that if he can deprive a woman of her self-confidence, she will become weak. Since then, relying on him and being inseparable from him, he has eliminated the fear of being abandoned.
So he wanted to yell at her and yelled at her, hurting her to hurt her.
As a result, their woman is not the object of his love, these nervous, contradictory emotions also make women become the focus of his fear.
Excessively, his discrimination against women still converges when he is in power, because his fear can be alleviated in official authority.
Instead, after retirement, he lost his strength, the anger in his heart became more and more hot, and the void in his heart became more and more powerful.
Like Liu Hua in the second instance, at this time, the woman naturally becomes his punching bag, and he only maintains his “dignity” in the morbid state of bullying the woman.
As in the second instance, in real life, many men can play with authority, and many women seem to voluntarily obey the authority of men.
This in the end is why?
In the view of men who discriminate against women, the most effective and fundamental way to control women is to completely harm women’s self-esteem.
Therefore, they often yell and yell at women, or they pick and choose, or use women’s attention to criticism, and constantly criticize women.
For example, they will say: “You are too sensitive.” “You are too feminine.”
His criticism of his wife sounded like a head, and in fact, it implicitly scorned men’s contempt and hostility towards women.
Women are used to measuring themselves by the standards of men, and asking themselves to be “a good woman” has become a trap for men to enjoy women and a trap for women to lose themselves.
In life, in the face of the authority of men, many women have given in.
They are doing nothing more than trying to maintain their marriage and exchange for peace in the home.
Moderate concessions are necessary to deal with the relationship between men and women, but if a woman succumbs to concessions and her own needs are always in second place, it is difficult for women to maintain their dignity.
The important thing is that if the man discriminates against the woman in essence, even if you please him with complete disappointment, he will not be able to lead you; on the contrary, unprovoked obedience will turn him into a crazy drug addict.”, turn yourself into a “drug” that he devours at will.
Example three characters file: Yang Mingyuan (a pseudonym), male, 69 years old, many retired civil servants feel lost after abdicating, but Yang Mingyuan is just the opposite. He said that when he retired from the position of the director, the first feeling was no official.Being light, you can finally live the life you have thought of and do what you want to do.
In the two years before his retirement, Yang Mingyuan began to prepare for his retirement.
He loved music since he was a child. He learned harmonica when he was young. It is said to be quite good.
However, his favorite is the erhu, but because he was poor when he was a child, he could not afford to buy a musical instrument, and he could not afford to pay tuition, so he did not learn.
Later, although the living conditions improved, but the official did more, and was busy with work all day, no time, so did not learn.
Yang Mingyuan said that he had already put this dream into his retirement, so he has been looking forward to retirement.
After retirement, Yang Mingyuan began to learn to pull the erhu with the professional Erhu teacher.
Every morning and evening, he went to the nearby park to practice, so he got to know some old lovers who played excellent long instruments.
Gradually, everyone often practiced together, exchanged, discussed, and played. In this kind of embedding, Yang Mingyuan’s erhu naturally became better and better.
Later, Yang Mingyuan played his own organization and management ability, and gathered these musical instrument lovers to form an old-age band. He was elected as the captain by everyone.
Since then, Yang Mingyuan has devoted himself to this band, buying music, arranging programs, planning performances, etc. He has to personally work together, and also draws up his husband’s wife to write a series of words for their performances.
Looking at Yang Mingyuan so obsessed with it, his wife joked with him and said: “I am squatting, you captain seems to be more enjoyable than the Secretary.
“Yang Mingyuan listened to laughter and jokingly said: “This is called ‘the official is not big, the right is the spirit’.”
After the band was founded, in order to make the program more complicated, Yang Mingyuan replaced and invited some elderly people who could sing and dance to enrich. This idea was unanimously intervened by the players.
Now under the leadership of Yang Mingyuan, the old-age literary and art activity team that combines singing, dancing and playing is becoming more and more famous. It is often invited to participate in various performances.
Yang Mingyuan said that their team mainly highlights two words: “le” and “for”, that is, old and happy.
Expert Summary There are more and more people studying Buddhism today.
We have benefited a lot from the use of the story of Zen to correct the true meaning of merit.
Bodhidharma is the 28th generation of the Western Heavens of Buddhism.
In 527 AD, Bodhidharma came to China, and Emperor Wu of Liang knew that he was rushing to send his ambassador to Nanjing, the capital.
When I met, Emperor Wu couldn’t wait to ask the ancestors: “Since I have been in the position, I have been cultivating Buddhists, coining, translating Buddhist scriptures, carving Buddha statues, and supporting countless monks. How will my merits be calculated?
“Dharma replied: “There is no merit.
“Wang Wudi is puzzled and said: “I have done so many things, and I still have no merits. Why?
“Dharma’s ancestors replied: “What you are doing is a small worldly newspaper. You can’t talk about true merits. The true merits are the most harmonious wisdom and the purest heart.”
It exists in your heart, it cannot be calculated in a secular way.
“This story has the same meaning as Laozi’s “indisputable virtue” in the Tao Te Ching.
In the sixty-eighth chapter of the Tao Te Ching, Lao Tzu has such a passage: “Be good at using people.”
It is an indisputable virtue, it is the power of employing people, it is said to match the sky, the extreme of the ancient.
“The meaning is that people who are good at using people are also very humble in front of others.
This is the character that does not compete with others, so that the power of others can be mobilized. It is a virtue that suits the heavens and is the truth that has existed since ancient times.
It can be seen that the true merit lies in the lack of merit, and the true authority lies in the lack of authority.
In the face of such humility, I believe that those who are “I am authoritative, I am the master” will not be touched and not ashamed after serious reflection.
The important thing is that there is no humility. Looking at the story of the third example, everyone will definitely feel the same. The original humility can not only give people a peace of mind and a fulfilling life, but also give people a happy mood.
The same person who was an official, because he did not care about his position, and was able to position himself. After Yang Mingyuan retired, he gained a happy life in inaction.
This is also the “inaction” that Lao Tzu advocated in the Tao Te Ching.
Lao Tzu said: “Yes, inaction; things, nothing.”
It means to say that if you make a difference, you should consider doing nothing. If you do something, you must think that there is no such thing to treat.
Such a normal heart, a state of no creation, and no publicity is the portrayal of Yang Mingyuan’s self-satisfaction and the realm that many retired officials pursue.
Expert Advice 1: How do women face an authoritative man?
Say your grievances and depression.
List his derogatory and embarrassing to you, and also list your correct opinion of yourself.
What to do, do not punish yourself with his mistakes.
Appropriately cool him, let him taste without your taste.
Have their own interests and sustenance.
Even if people can’t make big changes in old age, you still have to have your own sustenance while being tolerant of him, so as to be psychologically relieved.
Expert Advice 2: How to cultivate as a true merit.
Put yourself in the position of a young person and experience your heart.
2.Learn yourself in the mirror and experience the taste of being taught.
3.Go to the park every day for a walk and feel the peace of nature.
4.Put two bowls of water in front of you, one full bowl, one half bowl, and experience the benefits of moderation.
Introduction to Chen Feizi Freelance writer, psychologist, expert on marriage and love issues.
He was the chief representative of L&A in Spain.
After working in Spain and Australia, study and study.
Since 1998, he has published six best-selling books, “The Eden of Awakening”, “Creating the Garden of Eden”, “Happy Women”, “Wisdom Woman”, “Discovering Women”, “A man is a bad thing?”
And related essays and psychological analysis of more than 2.5 million words.
With vivid literary and humanistic thinking, it has won the praise of fashion marriage experts, and through the unique psychological treatment, many unhappy women have become happy women.